There isn’t much time. There never is. So, I’ll just break this down:
The Bad–My husband has been full-on working (not just admin stuff) for 2 weeks straight (including weekends) and that leaves me 90% on my own with the new little bundle. I managed just fine for the first week, but we changed meds for her reflux and something went wrong. She was off–clingy, yelling, crying, and all around unhappy. So we changed back. Now the poor thing is pretty constipated, but she is at least acting like herself.
We continue to struggle with the apnea and the reflux. I have started to try to put her down for naps or at night, but she wakes up a lot with the reflux. I get frustrated when it comes to putting her down. I want it to all go right and perfect immediately. Logically, I know this is unreasonable. But I’m tired and I just want something to be easy, but no luck.
Sidenote: What I really want is Mrs. Doubtfire to come live with us and take care of everything. Sure, she was fictional even in the movie. (And actually it makes me a little sad since I miss Robin Williams) but it would be great to have someone to take care of us (my husband and I) while we’re trying to take care of this little one. One can dream…
The Good–She is three and a half months and charms with ridiculously cute expressions (and now she giggles!). We spend countless hours divulging important secrets over diaper changes, or hanging out in the Boppy.
The reflux itself is the same. Maybe, just maybe slightly better (sign of the cross, knock on wood, throw salt over my shoulder, fingers crossed)…very slight.
Our visit to the pulmonologist was reassuring. He said the same thing our pediatrician has been saying: “She’ll grow out of it.” But….When????? We might possibly do a sleep study to evaluate the apnea, but I am not sure we are ready for that. We are visiting a speech therapist to make sure we can continue to feed her well. She is doing alright, some choking while feeding though. And eventually, I would like to transition to bottles so I can leave the house for longer than an hour and a half.
But I am not sure anything will change.
I have this feeling like we are just supposed to hold steady and plug away. Just hold the course and our breaths and wait for the winds to change. We’ll see…
In the meantime, at least I am not fighting the diagnosis so much. I am frustrated that we are still on (what feels like) a hamster wheel, but we are managing and I am trying to be grateful for that. Overall, I am trying to be more grateful but some days I fail miserably. I don’t think the holidays will help. In my mind I see people shopping and meeting up and wearing red plaid jackets and matching hats as they take in the holiday season. And here we are watching out the window as they whistle Christmas tunes and laugh at lunch outings. Oh, is that not happening? Well, it’s fun to romanticize it all.
I did, miraculously, get my tree up and decorated. So.–on that positive note I shall leave you with a photo of my tree.