Our adoption profile went live today. We put a lot of thought, heart, and few tears into it. So, it feels a little raw to have it out there on the web for everyone to see. I made the video myself, which makes it a little more nerve-racking. In fact, this whole month has been about pushing myself forward and feeling a little exposed during the process. I’ve had to make a conscious effort everyday to choose something different. Instead of clinging to the memory of Jordan and hiding out at home, I’ve tried to reach out to friends and say “yes” to opportunities, knowing that Jordan is still with me.
With that in mind, I had some new experiences: I took day trip with a friend to Grafton, Illinois, a small town on the Illinois river. There is a beautiful park there, Pere Marquette and quaint (some very quaint) little stores along the main drag. It felt like a summer vacation town. Usually, I have an image of a lake house or house on the beach, but in Grafton, there were condos and houses on stilts to rent and enjoy the river.
I, also, met another friend in Chicago for a last minute weekend. During our few days there, I agreed to run a 10k with her (And I don’t run). The Chicago Spring half-marathon and 10k route followed along the lake. I figured it would be beautiful views and if I couldn’t run the whole thing, there was always walking. At the start line, a man with muscular dystrophy reminded us to dedicate this run to someone special, and of course I thought of Jordan. I kept think of him and smiling. He was with me. I kept up a steady jog for the whole 6.2 miles! It felt amazing!
Now, since our adoption profile is complete and up, I need to be open to whatever happens. A little flutter of anxiety erupts in my stomach if I think too long on the idea of getting matched with an expectant mother. So, I just won’t do that. That’s what my mom would say anyway.
So here’s the link…
Oh I feel that flutter…better go get distracted.